


Shadowed Candlelight

by princessdragonsun



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Angst, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Has Issues, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Needs a Hug, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders is a Sweetheart, Anxious Thoughts, Birthday, Caring Logic | Logan Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders is Extra, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders is a Good Friend, Deceit | Janus Sanders is Bad at Feelings, Family, Family Dynamics, Family Fluff, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Janus is mentioned a few times but he doesn't show up, Logic | Logan Sanders Is A Good Friend, Morality | Patton Sanders is a Good Friend, Morality | Patton Sanders is a Sweetheart, Platonic Lamp/Calm - Freeform, Platonic Relationships, Post-Episode: Moving On Part 2/2: Dealing With a Breakup, Self-Esteem Issues, Sympathetic Deceit | Janus Sanders, self-deprecation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-19
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:40:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28164135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princessdragonsun/pseuds/princessdragonsun
Summary: Nobody celebrated Virgil's birthday. Virgil didn't celebrate his birthday. He wasn't sure if anyone even knew when it was. Or considered the fact that he had one. No one mentioned it, so he didn't either.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil & Creativity | Roman & Logic | Logan & Morality | Patton
Comments: 5
Kudos: 107





	Shadowed Candlelight

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, this is a birthday fic for Virgil. I love the emo boi.  
> My hand slipped and I put in far too much angst for a birthday fic. Please, heed the tags just in case of triggers.

Nobody celebrated Virgil's birthday. _Virgil_ didn't celebrate his birthday. He wasn't sure if anyone even knew when it was. Or considered the fact that he had one. No one mentioned it, so he didn't either. A simple, annual dance around the subject.

Virgil wasn't the biggest fan of birthdays, to begin with. All they did was bring the unsettling realization that they were that much closer to the end of their lives. It... wasn't the most pleasant thing to think about on a day meant for celebration. The anxiety the day brought just didn't seem worth the effort. So, Virgil spent the day just like he did any other day. Alone in his room with only his spider to keep him company. The Core Sides didn't bother with him, Morality as the exception, and he typically kept his distance from the Others. It was definitely a lonely existence but at least he still existed to do his job. It didn't matter that no one cared. It _didn't_.

Things continued this way for years. Then came the day he was accepted by Thomas and the Core Sides. Suddenly, they were acknowledging him with more than just scathing remarks or dismissals. They were... being _nice_. It was _profoundly weird_ to be treated so considerately so abruptly. A one-eighty.

A few months into settling with his family, Patton and Roman began discussing plans for Logan's approaching birthday. Virgil only heard snippets of the conversation, having been distracted by his phone at the time. It struck him with the realization that he would be participating in those now. Whatever party they decided to throw and presents.

For Logan, they were trying to keep it simple since the Logical Side wouldn't like anything too grand. Occasionally, Virgil piped up with an idea of his own. At first, he'd been worried that they'd get mad at him for trying to get involved but they only responded positively. He knew it was silly to think they'd be upset with him but anxiety was like that sometimes.

The day passed and they all had a nice, relaxing day spent together. Virgil spent the rest of November in almost a haze. Everything was a lot calmer than it had been in the last video. Of course, there were still those off days where they argued amongst each other or Thomas had a mini dilemma that wasn't deemed video-worthy. Honestly, why did he even post his dilemmas, to begin with? People _saw_ those. 

Either way, Virgil was snapped out of his odd daze once December rolled around. Roman and Patton were cheerfully humming and singing to Christmas songs and the Mindscape was decorated appropriately. There was a nagging feeling that he just couldn't place for those first few days. Something he was forgetting. Aside from Patton and Roman planning to get Thomas to make a Christmas video, he couldn't think of anything in particular that needed to be done that wasn't part of the norm. So, he went on as he usually did and pushed the feeling aside. It didn't hit him until the twelfth.

 _His birthday was in a week_.

That single thought sent jolts of anxiety through his body, his chest constricting and nausea building in his stomach. How could he have forgotten? He knew why. Virgil had been thoroughly distracted by his family as of late. _Of course_ , he didn't remember.

Virgil quickly shoved his trembling hands into his pockets and took a few deep breaths. It was okay. It was fine. He could get through this. His birthday was just like any other day. It didn't _matter_. No one even knew. He could forget about it again and it'd fly by before he knew it. Simple.

Except, it wasn't. Now that he'd acknowledged the date, it was stuck at the forefront of his mind. The idea to tell one of the others popped up just to get the heavy weight off his shoulders but it was quickly discarded. That was a horrible, _selfish_ idea. He was not going to take away their focus from Christmas just to get attention for a day. Still, the secret weighed him down as the days passed. He constantly felt on the verge of telling someone but he held off.

Only two days away, Virgil couldn't take it anymore. The feeling was far worse when he was with his family, something he quickly realized. In an act of desperation, he sequestered himself in his room and didn't come out for much of anything. If he wasn't around them, he couldn't suddenly blurt it out. He wasn't going to be so openly _selfish_. 

If he told them, their attention wouldn't be on Christmas. If he told them, they might get mad. If he told them... He doubted they would kick him out, reject him. They wouldn't do that over something so small... right? No, they wouldn't. They _wouldn't_. They'd be mad, but not push him away. His birthday wasn't important. This was fine.

Virgil's thoughts continued to conflict and contradict each other. A mix of yearning and fear and defiance and guilt. He managed to slip under the radar so far with the excuse of being overwhelmed and needing some time alone. And... well, it wasn't a complete lie. He was definitely overwhelmed with _everything_. Still, he half-expected Deceit to pop up out of nowhere and call him out on his lies.

The day of his birthday arrived and, after two whole days hiding away, he knew his time was almost up and one of the others would drag him out eventually. He was so close. He just had to survive the day and he wouldn't have to worry about it anymore. Easy.

Sure enough, there was a knock on his door when he missed breakfast again. Reluctantly, Virgil crawled out from under the comforting weight of his covers and cracked the door open. Patton's beaming smile was almost blinding and he felt himself relax a bit.

"Hey, kiddo! Since you missed breakfast, I thought I'd bring you a plate."

Virgil blinked and glanced down at the plate of food in his Dad's hands, "Oh. Um... Thanks, Pat."

He carefully took the dish in his hand. It... smelled really good, actually.

"I know you said you wanted some space but... are you coming out today? We're planning on watching a few Christmas movies while we eat cookies and drink hot chocolate."

Virgil hesitated. He... _could_ go watch movies with them. No one was really expected to talk while watching movies and he'd be distracted. And he could still spend time with his family. Best case scenario, he survived the interaction and had some fun with them. Worst case scenario, he ended up blurting out the fact that it was his birthday, embarrassed himself, and made things extremely awkward between them all, and possibly leading them to hate him for ruining their day. That last thought was almost enough to make him decline. But... Patton's hopeful expression was equally, if not more, persuasive. He couldn't say no. Not to Patton. Not to his Dad. Then he'd feel _even worse_ for making Patton sad and he really did want to go.

Biting his lip, Virgil took a deep breath, "I-Yeah. Sure. I'll join you later."

Patton did a little bounce on the balls of his feet, his smile widening even further, "Yay! I'll leave you alone to eat now! See you later!"

The Moral Side skipped away before Virgil had the chance to respond. Well, there was no chance of getting out of it now. He closed the door and ate his breakfast in silence as he worried about the coming movie marathon.

Virgil procrastinated for as long as possible. He ate slowly while he messed around with his phone. When he got tired of playing with his phone, he wandered around his room, cleaning up here and moving a few things there. Once he ran out of things to fix, he knew he couldn't delay the inevitable forever. He could certainly try but trying meant hurting the people he cared about. Virgil was going to go out there, watch movies, and like it. He refused to let it happen any other way. If he screwed even _this_ up...

He forced himself out of his room before he lost his nerve. Better to get this over and done with.

When Virgil stepped into the commons, he paused to take in the endearing sight. Patton and Roman, dressed in their favorite onesies, were setting up a pillow fort, talking and giggling with each other. Logan was knelt by the TV, sorting through the various Christmas movies they had. Though he wasn't watching the other two, it was obvious he was listening. A tiny smile was stretched across his face. They were all so relaxed and happy. It warmed Virgil's heart to see them like that.

Patton noticed him first. He happened to glance in his direction and when he saw the anxious Side, he shot him a smile.

"Virgil! Great timing! We're almost done setting up!"

Roman, being the overly dramatic person he was, bounced up and gestured widely, "Greetings, Emo Nightmare!"

Virgil nodded at them and hesitated but ultimately crept over to join Logan. The other Side shot him a brief smile and scooted over so Virgil could see the movies.

"So far, these are the movies we agree on. We each get to pick one. Patton wants to watch Elf, Roman picked The Santa Clause-"

"It's a great movie!" Roman interrupted, "Santa just freaking dies and is replaced by this random dude who accidentally caused his death."

Logan quietly huffed in annoyance before continuing, "And I chose How the Grinch Stole Christmas."

Virgil snorted quietly in amusement. Tapping his fingers against his thigh, he thought about his own choice of movie. He considered choosing The Nightmare Before Christmas. If he didn't already watch that movie a million times, he probably would have. Instead, he decided to pick something different.

"How about Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer?"

"I have to admit, I did not see that coming," Roman said as he put the last pillow and blanket in place, "I would have thought you'd pick Nightmare Before Christmas."

Virgil only shrugged in response, "Rudolph's a classic."

It wasn't the only reason but he didn't elaborate beyond that. Virgil didn't move to stand up with Logan and instead made himself more comfortable on the floor. Standing up, Patton straightened out his onesie while Roman conjured cookies and hot chocolate for everyone. It didn't take long for them all to get settled and start the first movie.

When the credits of the second movie rolled, Virgil stood up to stretch out his limbs while Roman switched out the movie. He took the time to walk around a bit and grab an extra blanket. By the time he returned to the couch, the others were exchanging glances with small smiles. He halted, growing nervous. 

Had he done something? No, they were smiling. It had to good then, right? _Right_? Were they planning something? Nothing nefarious, obviously. They weren't like that no matter how much a tiny voice in the back of his mind quietly whispered that maybe he didn't know them as well as he thought. His family was good, kind, sweet people. They would never do something like that.

Patton seemed to notice his spiral and gave a reassuring smile, "Why don't you come to sit down, Kiddo?"

After an aborted step, Virgil finally moved to sit down between Logan and Roman. He took a few deep breaths to calm his nerves. It didn't help much.

"What... What's going on?"

Roman beamed, almost vibrating in his excitement, "I'm glad you asked, Virgil!"

The Creative Side reached over the side of the couch and pulled out a small gift with purple wrapping paper, shoving it into Virgil's arms. As the embodiment of anxiety, he didn't exactly like having random boxes shoved into his arms unannounced and without being told what to expect. He gripped the box tightly in his hands, his muscles tense.

What was this? They couldn't know about his birthday. Was this supposed to be a gift exchange between them all? Why wasn't he told? Would they be mad at him for not having anything ready even though they didn't say anything? Was he just expected to know?

"Virgil?"

Blinking out of his thoughts, Virgil turned to Logan, confusion and panic shining in his eyes. Logan would tell him, right?

"What's going on?" Virgil repeated his earlier question in a shaky voice, "Did I miss something?"

"It _is_ your birthday, isn't it, silly?" Patton replied, gently patting the Anxious Side's knee.

Virgil's whipped around to stare at him with wide eyes, "How-How do you know that?!"

Roman cleared his throat, "Let's say we have our ways and just leave it at that."

"That doesn't exactly help, Princey," Virgil nearly ground out.

"Fine! Fine... It was... Deceit..."

"Deceit?! And you trusted him?! No. How does he even know?!"

Logan tilted his head slightly, "He knows a lot of things he shouldn't. He came to us yesterday saying that he only told us to get you to stop sulking in your room. That it was getting annoying."

"How was I bothering him? I was in my room! ...And I _don't_ sulk..."

Roman pouted, "Why does it matter? He told us your birthday so we could all celebrate."

Logan nodded, "I even got Roman to tone down his original idea. He was going to make this a 'grand event'."

"Well, he deserves something grand!"

"But we figured that it would be too overwhelming and decided to just make this whole thing chill. Movies and cookies and hot chocolate and presents," Patton added.

Virgil deflated. He was still furious about Deceit being involved but the fact that his family went out of their way to make this new experience comfortable for him helped him settle... And apparently, got him a gift? It was sweet.

"I... You didn't have to... but... um... thanks, I guess."

Roman threw an arm around his shoulders, "No problem, Dark and Gloomy."

Virgil eased his grip on the gift and traced the taped folds. After a bit of hesitation, he carefully picked at the tape and slid his finger underneath it. It took a few minutes for him to open it all the way and, thankfully, the others were patient with him. Opening a present in front of other people was _stressful_. He had to be careful with the wrapping paper, try and ignore the eyes glued to either him or his work, and then there was his reaction. He knew he was going to like it. Anything given to him by his family was treasured immensely. He carefully pried the lid of the box off and... oh.

There was a bracelet designed after his logo. Handmade, too. Taking the bracelet into his hand, he rubbed the material between his fingers. It was rough enough to help ground him but soft enough that it wouldn't aggravate his skin while he wore it.

"We each had a hand in making that," Roman said, "I sketched up the design, Logan turned it into a pattern, and Patton was the one to make it."

"Do you like it?" Patton asked.

Virgil felt his breath hitch and his eye burn, "It's... amazing. I love it. _Thank you_."

He continued to rub the bracelet while his family pulled him into a group hug.

" _Thank you_."

"Happy Birthday, Virgil."

**Author's Note:**

> So, the deal with Janus is that he and Virgil still don't like each other but he's still willing to help somewhat.  
> He just wants Virgil to stop sulking-*coughs* What? Virgil doesn't sulk. What are you talking about?  
> Anyway! Merry Christmas, everyone! Or whatever holiday you celebrate. Should I just say Happy Holidays instead?
> 
> Here's my tumblr where I post art, incorrect quotes, and a few one-shots: https://little-red-rhapsody.tumblr.com/


End file.
